i'd use chemicals to turn you into a sludge, then add enough water to thin the sludge into something that could be used to watercool a very expensive computer.

because ilu.

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Something tells me that I wouldn't make a very good coolant.

Still -- your heart's in the right place. 8)

(Incidentally, zetshia_gudani and I spent a bit talking about why exactly I wouldn't make very good coolant.)

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Nothing but a good old-fashioned shovel and a dark forest for me.

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Hopefully it's at least a NICE dark forest. I mean -- really. Give me a nice view or something.

Maybe if you buried me with enough arsenic to eventually kill off all the trees in the forest. It'd suitably horrify Greenpeace and I'd be MORE than OK with that 8)

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grind up the meat and mix it in with some sort of meat-alternative. tofu if possible. then give it out for free at some sort of vegan get-together. send all the evidence to various news outlets later.

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The very second I have a will, that wish is going in it.

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i will have to take a picture of you stuffing your face with something very meaty, like a whole steak, to send to the news outlets afterward. i think it will add that little extra something for those vegans to see that picture when they find out.

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I'm a fan of viking funerals, myself.

Still, let's be more creative.

I'd get a huge trebuchet and just launch your corpse in a random direction. Just so that the next day I could read some incredibly silly headline like "Flying body lands on bus fool of school kids."

The only thing better would be to actually see the reaction when you land.

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"bus fool"? ; )

Yeah -- for that reason, I'd say you'd really have to plan out where to launch my corpse.

I think if I were going to do that, I'd also give the corpse an empty parachute as well. Make people think it was a coincidence until the cops get there. Then, when the cops get there, they'd have to figure out how I actually died -- since I wouldn't be anywhere near splattered enough to have impacted at terminal (ha ha) momentum. Then they'd have to work out why someone wanted to make it look like an accident. And what they had against whatever was at the impact site.

Bonus points if I died of natural causes.

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he could make it really fun for them and plant lots of false evidence on the body. was it the arsenic in his system? the axe wedged into his spine? maybe his missing heart factors in somehow?

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The real trick is working out which one happened first.

I'm all for giving some poor coroner a challenge from beyond the grave.

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If I was talented enough, I'd make your intestines spell out "APRIL FOOLS!" for the coroner to find.

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This is a fitting meme, because my family went to a funeral yesterday and my brother and I were talking about this very thing: what would you want done to your corpse when you die? We seemed to both agree that we don't give a shit because we'll be dead. Also, the thing that sucks about funerals is that you don't get to hear all the nice things people say about you after you die. I guess that's what roasting is for.

What I'd do with YOUR corpse? One or more of the following:

1. Bury you face down so that those who hated you and everything you stand for can kiss your ass.
2. Hire a professional chef to "serve" you at your funeral.
3. Sit you in the passenger seat of my car so that I can always use the carpool lane.
4. Deposit you in the MoMA (Museum of Modern Art), put up a sign that says you're a doing a "performance piece" and see which museum goers are too insecure to point out that you're dead.
5. Tell the Make a Wish Foundation that you have a terminal disease that has left you completely paralyzed and your dying wish is to have sex with the cast of Gilmore Girls.
6. And my personal favorite: Donate you to a charity for necrophiliacs.

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We seemed to both agree that we don't give a shit because we'll be dead.

Yep -- exactly. Some acquaintance of my father's said once that when he died, he'd like someone to just roll him over in the blanket that he died in and dump the corpse in a hole somewhere.

For the most part -- and I've spent enough time in cemetaries to know -- tombstones only serve as an occasional point of interest to someone who walks by and says "Gee, he was born the same day as..." or "Gee, he died the same day as..."

Also, the thing that sucks about funerals is that you don't get to hear all the nice things people say about you after you die.

Hah -- if anyone says a nice thing about me, it's obviously a lie.

Basically, if I had my way, my funeral would consist of people getting drunk and making more and more outrageous claims about things I'd done until someone calls "Bullshit!"

The best entries should be inscribed in some book entitled "You aren't really a man until you've..."

As for your entries:
1) Cliche -- and besides, I've already told people I don't hate to kiss my ass 8)
2) Reminds me of an art house flick I just saw ("The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover" with ever-so-scrumptuous Helen Mirren). I think it'd fall short of expectations, really. Perhaps better to left me uncooked and up to the imagination. Or fed to pigs.
3) crisper had this one in his journal. A slightly better variant, I daresay.
4) Better idea: See who bids the most for me!
5) It'd really have to be videotaped and sold. And people would buy it. Oh yes they would.
6) Are there such charities? I remember a sex doll repair page. I wonder if I'd outlast those for maintenance.

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I can just see the TMZ headline: "Cast of Gilmore Girls gang bang a corpse".

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BTW, what was Crisper's idea?

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crisper came up with the meme (this was the seed of the meme, but this was the actual meme itself).

stutefish was the one who had the variant of your idea:

I would plastinate you in a sitting position and then I'd keep you in my car so I could always use the carpool lane. And I'd hollow out your innards and put in some insulation so I could keep cold drinks inside. And then I'd attach a string/voice mechanism such that whenever I pulled a string, you'd say, "I wanted to split my atoms in half so I could hate that movie twice as much."

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