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Happy 5th of May - CERisE's Testing for L

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May 5th, 2009


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10:56 am - Happy 5th of May
I've always loved this holiday because it celebrates French military stupidity.

Long story short, the Mexicans fell back to a town with two forts to the North. The Mexicans had 3/4s the army that the French did. The French general heard that the people of the town were loyal to the French, but they were kept in line by the Mexican troops in the town. He felt that if he made a show of force, then the people of the town would attack the forts as well and force the Mexicans to surrender or retreat as they'd have to deal with two opposing fronts of battle.

The people of the town weren't loyal to the French, so this French general ended up going for the point of greatest resistance. They ran out of artillery ammo on the first two attacks which were such spectacular failures that they had to march reserves on the third attack with no artillery support.

After that, they ran for it. The Mexican general arranged to flank their escape route taking out more French as they went. The French general waited around for a while at his previous position hoping that the Mexicans would try to push their advantage and make the same mistake he did -- attacking a point of strength without overwhelming forces.

They didn't, so the town of Puebla was left alone after that.

The other funny thing about the battle is it turned out to be pointless except as a morale boost for the Mexican army. By the next year, the French had captured Mexico City and formed the Second Mexican Empire under Maximillian.

Last year, I missed Cinco de Mayo and I realized that I should drink on the 4th just in case something came up on the 5th. As is a wonderful tradition among my friends, I began calling people at strange hours of the morning to have silly conversations.

Things I remember:
1) Having an epistemological argument with babe_of_beyazit's ex-boyfriend in which he attempted to fall back to a point of religious knowledge. When he realized that I knew a bit more than he gave me credit for, he attempted a Cartesian defense of the point. I think I accused his schizophrenic answers of being the obvious mark of a Kantian.
2) Calling forgotten_aria (I *almost* typed onetwolittleb). She was asleep but terribly amused being the recipient of her first ever drunk dial.
3) A lot of crazy voicemail messages.
4) Waking one of my friends up and getting a very angry response. I might be safe because I didn't get a chance to tell her who it was. *phew*

My phone's call history filled up, so I don't have a complete record of who I called and most of the stuff I said was off-the-cuff, so it wasn't particularly memorable. I do remember laughing and making a lot of other people laugh.

kalisphoenix said that it was the best voicemail message he's ever received.

Did I call you last night? Did I say something terribly amusing? Remind me and share in the joy of embarrassing me. ;)

EDIT: I'm adding things as I remember them.
I drunk dialed Ely. The only reason he ever calls me is to let me know that b is down, so I called him to let him know that b is still up. 8)

(19 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:lishd
Date:May 5th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC)
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you called me & made some bad "may the fourth be with you" joke, then you hung up on my voicemail just as you were explaining why you called. it was disappointing at best & i demand MULLIGAN.
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 5th, 2009 09:18 pm (UTC)
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That must've been my cell phone cutting out. I didn't really notice such things, so that whole thing is entirely lost to the aether now.

Plus side: My new IP phone arrives today, so next time there won't be any cell reception issues.
[User Picture]
From:forgotten_aria
Date:May 5th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC)
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I was not asleep. I was just completely confused by being phoned at 1:45am.

Part of what you might have heard in my voice is that, despite never knowingly been drunk called, I have had some really strange phone calls from people.
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 5th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
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Oh -- you were being really quiet. Even when you were giggling. I assumed that meant that you were asleep.

Strange phone calls, eh? So you're saying that next time, I'll have to step it up a bit. Check.
[User Picture]
From:forgotten_aria
Date:May 5th, 2009 09:33 pm (UTC)
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No, that's quiet alright. I've had enough "I'm in jail and need bail" or "I'm under your window right now, even though you live miles away and I have no car" phone called for a life time, thanks.

Or then there was the wrong number, "Elly, don't do this to me!!" "I'm not elly." "Come on Elly, don't lie to me! I know it's you, you're killing me!" "I'm really not elly!" "You can't do this to me Elly!"
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 6th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
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My dad has caused strain in at least two relationships where the guy called the wrong number in a similar fashion.

For example -- a collect call:
"Who are you? What's going on? Where's my wife?"
"She's not here!"
[User Picture]
From:theswede
Date:May 6th, 2009 07:19 am (UTC)
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Do you have a holiday to celebrate American military stupidity? Like, say, Pickett's charge, or Gulf War II?

=P
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 6th, 2009 09:43 am (UTC)
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As for Pickett's Charge -- that was the confederacy's (i.e. the "bad guys") mistake.

And Gulf War II -- well, the problem there bears similarities to Vietnam. The battles are being won, but there isn't quite the same success in the war.

Of all the things you could have selected, I'm shocked you didn't pick the War of 1812. After reading a history of that deeply misguided campaign, it's a wonder that England didn't suck the colonies back in.
[User Picture]
From:theswede
Date:May 6th, 2009 09:55 am (UTC)
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The good guys during the war of Northern aggression you mean. =)
Either way it was American military stupidity of an order seldom observed. "Let's charge their front line and artillery from over a mile away!" And worst of all, it was the plan of General Lee, who otherwise is pretty much brilliant. Maybe someone spiked his morning tea.

The problem bears similarities, sure, but in Vietnam that was a surprise. In Gulf II it wasn't. It was pure idiocy. Admittedly, things are getting better, but the sheer amount of stupid displayed during the start of that war boggles the mind.

I only picked a couple off the top of my head. My grasp of US military campaigns is weak at best, as it's such a narrow area, and I have much more interest in European campaigns.
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 8th, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC)
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Well -- I'll simply say that it's hard to beat the War of 1812. The attack was carried out with the assumption that the armed forces were in the same state of military efficiency as they were at the end of the war for independence. The end result was that the supply chain wasn't particularly well thought out.

While backpedaling from all that, the Brits managed to land troops at Chesapeke bay which proceeded to Washington, D.C. and burned down the White House and the Capitol.

The end result was the Treaty of Ghent which amounted to a "Just kidding!" Everything went back the way it was, except that the British paid reparations for some captured slaves.
[User Picture]
From:theswede
Date:May 13th, 2009 09:17 am (UTC)
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Ah yes, slaves, we hardly had any of those. We were handed a small island to get some from, but it was rather costly to ship them, so we were suffering from a lack of cheap labor, which ultimately led to our socialist state.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 8th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
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It's hard to tell if the phone's still getting reception when you're talking to an answering machine *and* you're drunk.

Of course, now that I have my new phone, you won't be spared the second half next time!
[User Picture]
From:meerkat
Date:May 8th, 2009 09:17 pm (UTC)
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Thankfully, I didn't seem to get a drunken call from you. One of the distinct advantages of living out of the country!
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 8th, 2009 09:33 pm (UTC)
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It's terribly unwise to challenge someone who will likely be drunk in the future like this. 8D
[User Picture]
From:darnn
Date:May 12th, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
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Oh yeah? Let's see you brave the undoubtedly insane charges to Israel. 972544838459. You have to be drunk and it has to be Cinco de Mayo, though.
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 12th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
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I'd consider it, but I'm already confused and I'm sober right now!

(What charges? What's that enormous number?)
[User Picture]
From:darnn
Date:May 12th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
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The 972 is the country code for Israel, the rest is the number of my cell phone. You said people outside the country shouldn't dare you, so I did. And, I assume calling Israel is pretty expensive, at least more so than, I don't know, more popular places people call.
[User Picture]
From:testing4l
Date:May 12th, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)
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It could be worse. That'd be 22 cents a minute. If it were a landline in almost any part of Israel, it'd be 1 cent a minute.

Poland's 1 cent a minute unless I call meerkat's cell. In that case, it's 31 cents a minute.

I have often thought that I should be prank calling people in countries to which I get free long distance. I just haven't thought of anything sufficiently entertaining.

Edited at 2009-05-12 08:25 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:darnn
Date:May 12th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
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Yes, that's the hardest part. I guess you could record something and email it, which is kinda like a voicemail message and costs no money. But it's somehow not the same.

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